Big trouble on the turnpike
I don’t know if it was Sudafed - induced confusion or indigestion from the Nathan’s hot dog, but we were sure he was Clark Haggans.
It was around noon, Saturday, at a rest stop on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. My head was pounding and I just spent four bucks on one hot dog — a rip off. But we (a friend, my girlfriend and myself) were all in agreement that the gentlemen by the door was former Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker Clark Haggans. And that somehow made the situation a little more palatable. No one had the nerve to ask, so we left. Back into my friend’s 1995 Jeep and off to Philadelphia for a wedding. The next 20 or so miles were fine. The sun was out, the temperature nice and we sped past the capital. Then Clark pulled beside us in the left lane.
“It’s Clark Haggans, again,” I said. We all looked over into the red minivan he was driving. The next few minutes get kind of fuzzy. Somewhere in there I remembered that Clark was traded a few years back to Arizona. And then I remembered feeling instant panic because the windshield was covered with water —more than the wipers could handle.
Breaks were hit, wipers hastened to their fastest pace, and an emergency stop was completed. Clark sped on. At first several things were considered: 1. A small rain cloud, 2. Someone threw a bucket of water on our car, or 3. Someone had a hose.
Steam fuming from under the hood quickly put our curiosity to rest.
The problem was actually quite simple. The hose that runs from the radiator to the engine block blew apart. The radiator fluid dumped directly into the fan, which was then hurled up,through cracks around the hood, and onto the windshield.
It was a familiar problem. My dad and I had fixed a similar hose bust in my old Pontiac. We just needed tools and parts. So my friend called his sister, who lives nearby.
The problem with GPS systems, I learned next, is that they are not always accurate. Sister, of course, needed to know where we were so she knew what exit to take. Since we are talking about the turnpike, every wrong turn is costly. I consulted the GPS to see where we were. Plainville, it marked. So that was the town given to sister. Unfortunately the coordinate was several exits behind us. We were well past Plainville.
Several hours had past before we realized the navigational error. By that time sister had driven about two hours from her home, to the auto-parts store, to where she thought we were. It should also be noted that several people stopped and offered help. A few of them had some good advice that later helped in our efforts.
Because of navigational errors, it took sister more than five hours to find us. During that time my girlfriend’s dress had gotten dirt on it, my friend and I had become filthy trying to rip the old hose out and my headache had progressed to a worse stage. We had no food and little water. All hope of attending our friend’s wedding had evaporated with the antifreeze.
Sister arrived with the new part and tools around 4:30 p.m. We had it replaced in less than 15 minutes. All seemed to be going good. We all hopped into the car. My friend turned the key…….. nothing. The battery went dead. Luckily sister had jumper cables. Another problem fixed. We drove down the road for two miles when the car started overheating again. We pulled over, get out and pop the hood. The senses are immediately filled with heat, steam and the smell of burning antifreeze. There is a line running from the radiator to an overflow tank. Pressurized fluid was shooting out of a relief valve in the tank. I later learned that air in the radiator pipes was likely the cause. Eventually someone stops and we fill him in on the situation. He recommends turning the heater on — we should be able to make it the rest of the way, he said.
So we headed down the turnpike, heat blasting, windows down. We miss the wedding, but make it in time for the food. The next day, per the recommendation of knowledgeable people, we replace the Jeep’s thermostat in the parking lot of the Red Roof Inn. The trip home was uneventful. (If your looking for a meaning I suppose it would be that 5 strangers stopped to help us that day, good people still exist.) And Clark Haggans is likely to start at linebacker this year for the Cardinals, for anyone who cares.
—Rick Kazmer
rickk@dailyamerican.